A Random Joke

Modern definitions for today's office!

1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.

7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby. And lastly.................

9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby.

Can v do romance

Can v do romance in the evening today?

I'm in a good mood
Just a little bit of kissing and biting

reply me soon!

urs lovingly

"MOSQUITO"

Murgi SMS

A murghi falls in love with kawwa.
Murgha found out
.
Murgha:Mujh me kia kami hai.Mae tum se mohbt karta hun.Mujh se ziada pyar tum se koi bhi nai kar sakta koi b nai.
.
Aisa kia hai os kawway me jo mujh me nai.
.
Murghi:I respect ur emotions but He is in Airforce:-o

In a bothroom, boy touches a girl everywhere

In a bath room,
a boy touches a girl everywhere!
You Know whose that boy?
Stupid It’s Lifeboy Soap!
Dirty people always think dirty.

Always start your day with a lot of S E X

Always start your day with a lot of… S E X
S – SMILE
E – ENERGY
X – XCITEMENT
so make S E X a daily habit, and you'll always B SUCC SEX FUL! in LIFE.

Santa was drawing money from ATM

Santa was drawing money from ATM.
Banta, who was just behind him in
the line said: I’ve seen your password. It’s ****.
Santa: U r wrong. It’s 1394.

Wife Husband Jokes

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

Funny Birthday SMS Messages

Birthdays are for fun
Enjoy a sticky bun
I’m glad u r my mate
Hope ur birthdays great.

Funny Birthday SMS Messages

I know its ur birthday 2day.. iam sure u’l give me treat in a big hotel.. so i shall talk to u in person there, coz i dunno to xpress my feelings in SMS”

Funny Birthday SMS Messages

Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.

Birthday SMS

I’m so blessed 2 have a friend like u
This comes with many
Loving thoughts & warm wishes
I send 2 u,
May ur day be filled with laughter
On this ur special day & may the finest things
In life always come
Ur way happy birthday!

Adult SMS

LUV D WAY IT RUBS AGAINST D SOFT PINK FLESH N MAKES A
CREAMY FOAMY LIQUID AS IT THRUSTS IN&OUT,UP&DOWN,CAN`T
WAIT 4 NEXT TIME.LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH

Adult SMS

rooster&cat goin over bridge,cat slips&falls in
river.rooster cant stop laughin.wats D moral?whereva
therZ a wet pussy therZ a happy cock

Funny Adult Text SMS

Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do.
MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng. SON:got
my nose in her armpit. Now what?

Adult Text SMS

A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

Adult SMS

Q:Who is stronger, Man Or Woman? A:A woman bcos she
lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2
stones with the help of a crane.

Adult Text Messages

The sky is blue,grass is green,harder the fuck the
louder the scream,louder the scream the better the
fuck,give me a ring u might be in luck

Adult Text Messages

Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your
breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me
take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged

Adult SMS

Nipple Nipple dont be far, can I press u in my car. Up
above the chest so high, always milky never dry. Let
me suck you, dont feel shy.

Adult SMS

Girl: Im like a radio,my mouth spkr,my left breast
tuner, right 1 volume. Man:Can I try?(touches d
breats)-no sound. Girl:U havent plugged in yet!

Funny SMS

Ladke wale:ladki walo se
Ladki ka kya naam hai?
LADKI WALE:Humari pyari,apki pyari,subki pyari,RAMPYARI
LADKI WALE:Ladke ka kya naam hai?
LADKE WALE:Humara gu,apka gu,subka gu,JAGGU!!

Funny SMS & Jokes

Har sal Aata Hai,Har sal Jata Hai,
is Sal Aapko wo sab Mile
Jo Aapka
.+""+.+""+.
+ DiL +
"+. .+"
"+"
Chahta Ha
Happy Birthdya to You!

Funny SMS & Jokes

1.Bathroom Songs in case of lose motions:
Ruk Ruk Arey Baba Ruk

2.In Case Of Kabz:
Na Tu Ayeigi na hi Chain Ayega

3.In Case of Gas Trouble:
Hawa Hawa aye Hawa khushbu Luta De

4.After Coming out of bathroom:
Juda ho ke bhi tu mujh me kahi baqi hai

Funny SMS & Jokes

Tamilnadu me Garmi,
Kashmir me Burf k Gole

Tamilnadu me Grmi,
Kashmir me Burf k Gole

JaB Bhi koi Ldki Dekhu mera DIL DIWANA Bole
Ole Ole Ole..ole ole ole

Funny SMS & Jokes

I've a special Lunch for u,
A glass of Care,
A plate of Love,
A spoon of Peace,
A fork of Trust,
And a Bowl of Prayers,
Enjoyed This Lunch?

double meaning sms

What is “big” in Ladies, “small” in girls and “not” there in babies??? ? ? ? ? The Letter “L” what u thinking..?? dirty mind

double meaning sms

Girl : what do u like in me?
Boyfriend : Those 2 big white balls having a large black dot in center of it…
Girl : What ? ? ?
Bfrnd: yes darling your eyes.

double meaning sms

LADY: SARHI me 1 bhi sorakh dikha to sarhi wapis kr dungi.
DUKANDAR: Madam, ap “SORAKH” dikhao to sahi,
Sarhi apko free me de dunga.

Next generation child will sing

Next generation child will sing,..

Twinkal twinkal litle star,
i just went to ROYAL BAR,
whisky rates are up so high,
so drink beer with chiken fry....

When is dad gonna marry the maid?

A boy tells his mom that he seen a boy a girl sitting at the top of the roof kissing.

Then his mom tell him that they are gonna get married.

Then the boy asks his mom: When is dad gonna marry the maid?

Where is this place?

A man and his wife were driving their Recreational Vehicle across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it - KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME. They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town.

Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress:

"My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand."

The waitress looked at him and said: "Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng."

Vishu SMS

Priyapetta Kootukara
Sreekrishna Bagavane
Vishukani kandu unarnu
Poothiriyum Lathiriyum kathichum
Padakam pottichum Sadya undum
Vishu Agoshiku. oru nalla nalekaayi.
Vishu Aasamsagal...

Priya Kootukari.
Puthan Vasthramanijum
Vishu kani konna pottichum
Padakam Potichum
Vishu Aagoshikoo...
Vishu Aasamsagal...

Let this Vishu give you the strength to do all that you
dreamed to do during last year but didn't dare to do.
Happy Vishu! Let this be a delightful year,
filled with delightful things in each of its days.

Happy Vishu,
let this year be filled with the things that are truly good.

May you be blessed with peace, prosperity..
and good fortune. Happy vishu!

May the Lord's blessing bring peace to your home and
heart on Vishu and always during this year.
Happy Vishu.

May the New Year bring you happiness,
prosperity and good fortune. Happy Vishu..

Wishing you a new year, bursting with joy,
roaring with laughter and full of fun. Happy Vishu.

I hope this Vishu will bring cheer,
prosperity and peace in your life.
Let us pray that we gain enough strength
to accept the highs and lows of life with equanimity .

Vishu stands for new and fresh
Life is always new and fresh
Let us strive to make all days Vishu

Vishu Festival

Happy Vishu

Vishu 2010

Funny Baisakhi SMS

Paani mein whiskey milao ta nasha chadta hai.
Paani mein Rum milao to nasha chadta hai.
Paani mein brandy milao to nasha chadta hai.
Saala paani mein hi kuch gadbad hai.

Funny Baisakhi SMS

What is the height of telling a lie?
A negro telling his girlfriend, "tenu kaala chasma jachda hai, jachda hai gore mukhde te".
Enjoy the colorful festival of Baisakhi.

Funny Baisakhi SMS

Pati: Film vich raat ek chudel kadi mere agge, te kadi mere pichhe si.
Patni: Kehdi film si?
Pati: Apne vyah di movie si.

Happy Baisakhi

SMS bhejan da nahi si shonk saanu,
teri yaad ne mobile fada dita,
Message likhde likhde space muki,
assi overwrite alloweed la dita,
yaara mereya message reply karin,
assi apna farz nibha dita!!
Happy Baisakhi

Punjabi Baisakhi SMS

Tussi Hasde yo sanu hasaan vaaste
Tussi rone yo saanu rovaan vaaste
Ek vaar rus ke ta vekho sohneyo
Marr javange tuhanu manaan vaaste.
Baisakhi da din hai khushiyan manaan vaaste.
Baisakhi diyan vadhiyan.

Why should only i suffer!

When i open my eyes every morning
i pray to God that
everyone should have a friend like you....
Why should only i suffer!!!

Naughty thought for the day

“It is really hard to wait for the right person in life. Especially when…
The wrong ones are damn attractive!!

Secret Of Happy Life

Secret of happy life…..
Get a girl who cooks well
Get a girl who loves you
Get a girl look good
Make sure the 3 girls don’t meet each other!!

Remarkable Ability

Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates.
(He was caught cheating on a test).

Similarity between Dinosaurs and Decent Girls

Do u know similarity between Dinosaurs and Decent Girls?
Both don't exist.

Secret Of Happy Life

Secret of happy life…..
Get a girl who cooks well
Get a girl who loves you
Get a girl look good
Make sure the 3 girls don’t meet each other!!

Worlds shortest jokes

1) 2 Women r sitting quiet.


2) Girl Friend pays the bill…!!!

Need more???

U r beautiful.

Swadeshi mistake

A village headman once noticed a sudden rise in the population of his village.
To control it, he requested one of his rich relatives (who was an ardent swadeshi follower) to set up a condom factory near the village. It was done and very soon each unmarried adult male individual started getting condoms for free.
But after two years the village headman was shocked to find that his village`s population had doubled!
After investigations the headman went straight to the relative and gave him a good dressing down saying `Fool! Everything shouldn`t be made of KHADI!

Lost Husband

An old Italian couple is walking around in the mall. After a while they get separated, so the woman goes up to the first saleswoman she sees and asks, "Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?"

The saleswoman answers that she hasn't seen her husband.

So the Italian woman goes to ask another saleswoman, "Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?"

"No, I'm sorry maam, I haven't seen your husband."

The Italian woman goes to see one more saleswoman and asks, "Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?"

The saleswoman answers, "Yes I saw him, he ran out of here licketysplit."

Work Telephones

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting... on a Saturday morning... after breakfast...

Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.

Maid: So - what is the problem? We all use our work telephones !!!!!

Irish Miracle

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

Under The Bed

Jimmy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."

How much do you charge?"

"A hundred dollars per visit."

I'll sleep on it," said Jimmy.

Six months later the doctor met Jimmy on the street.

"Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred bucks a visit? A bartender cured me for $10."

"Is that so! How?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!!!

The Killer Jigsaw Puzzle

One morning a blonde calls her friend and says, "Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can`t figure out how to start it."

Her friend asks, "What is it a puzzle of?"

The blonde says, "From the picture on the box, it`s a tiger."

The friend figures he`s pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She let him in and shows him to the table where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a minute, then studies the box.

He then turns to her and says, "First, no matter what I do, I`m not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture ofthat tiger."

"Second, I`d advise you to have a cup of coffee and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box!

Secret of Success

A young reporter was given the opportunity to interview a very successful, very wealthy banker. The reporter asked him, "Sir, What is the secret of your success?"

He said "Two words, young man."

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Right decisions."

"But how do you make right decisions?"

"One word." he responded.

"And, sir, What is that?"

"Experience."

"And how do you get Experience?"

"Two words"

"And, Sir, what are they?"

The banker replied with a wry smile, "Wrong decisions."

Adam and Eve`s Nationality

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a World Bank Economist are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Englishman. "They must be English!"

"Nonsense," says the Frenchman. "They are both naked and beautiful. They must be French!"

"You are both wrong," says the World Bank economist. "They have no clothes and no shelter. They have only an apple to eat and they're being told they're in Paradise. Clearly, they are Zimbabweans!"

Praying For Peace

In Jerusalem, an American female journalist heard about an old rabbi who visited the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time.

In an effort to check out the story, she goes to the holy site and there he is!

She watches the bearded old man at prayer--and after about 45 minutes, when he turns to leave, she approaches him for an interview.

"I'm Rebecca from CNN, sir, how long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall and praying?"

"For about 50 years," he informs her.

"50 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Jews and the Arabs. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship."

"And how do you feel, sir, after doing this for 50 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a fu@k!!ng wall."

Snake Bite

Santa and Banta were hiking in the woods when Santa is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.

"I'll go into town for a doctor," Banta says.

He runs 10 miles to a small town and finds the town's only doctor, who is busy delivering a baby.

"I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little 'x' where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."

Banta runs back to his friend, who is in agony.

"What did the doctor say?" Santa asks.

"He says you're gonna die."

'F ' in Sex

Little Johnny asks his mother how old she is.

Her reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.

Again the mother's reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

The boy then asks, "Why did daddy leave you?"

To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that," and then sends him to his room.

On the way to his room, the boy trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.

Little Johnny looks it over and goes back to his mother saying, "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!!!"